Talk to any mom and you’ll learn you were not alone when you entered motherhood with a long list of expectations.

In fact, women’s expectations about motherhood likely start way before they hold the official “mom” title. Often, perhaps unknowingly, we began imagining our motherhood journey at some point in childhood, only to pick up details along the way as the anticipated transition inches closer.

So, why are we all doing this? 

The #1 function of our brains is survival. Meaning, our brains are wired to ensure our core needs are met and protected (i.e. That we are guaranteed safety, food, sleep, connection, love, etc.).

To do this, our brains are always searching (consciously + unconsciously) for patterns with the goal of being able to anticipate the future. Identified patterns turn into expectations and this provides us with a sense of safety, in that it creates a sense of control and gives us an opportunity to plan.

For this reason, expectations can be healthy and useful.

However, because the brain is imperfect, it doesn’t always code everything correctly or realistically.

Expectations can become problematic when they are:

  1. Unrealistic or aren’t achievable (i.e. You’re set up to “fail.”)
  2. Held to tightly (i.e. Your worth or happiness is attached to them.)
  3. A bad fit (i.e. You’re trying to fit into someone else’s version of life.)

 

Expectations in Motherhood

Adding a baby to your family is one of, if not the, biggest life transitions you will ever undertake. It’s so big, that studies reveal 83% of parents report experiencing a moderate to a severe crisis during this transition. Nonetheless, the magnitude of this transition is not respected and is significantly complicated by the fact that it is viewed as just a ‘normal life stage.’ Or in other words, motherhood is a breeding ground for messages and standards surrounding how it “should” look/feel. For these reasons (among others), it is no wonder motherhood tends to be full of harmful expectations. The type of expectations that easily overshadow your joy.

The good news: you can break free from this.

 

The Two Step Solution for Taking Back Your Joy:

Step 1: Awareness.

In a world full of noise, we don’t always have the mental energy and attention to vet all the messages we receive. For this reason and more, it’s inevitable that we will soak in information that doesn’t serve our best interest. Add to that, the fact that our brains are wired to converse energy (survival tactic) and as a result, they are regularly on auto-pilot.

Left on auto-pilot, the disconnection caused by problematic beliefs/expectations will turn inward and lead to the assumption that it must be something we are doing wrong, or worst yet, that it is something wrong with us.

However, when we start paying deliberate attention to our emotions, thoughts, and reactions without judging ourselves or trying to change anything, we’ll begin to notice the different automatic responses we’ve absorbed throughout life. Then we can start practicing how, and if, we want to respond.. Which leads us to Step 2.

Step 2: Challenge Your Brain

If we want to begin breaking free from problematic beliefs and expectations, we must get comfortable questioning our inner and outer world.

Or in other words, once you are able to identify a thought, emotion or belief, you take your brain off auto-pilot, and you give yourself the opportunity to ask your brain why it’s sending you such a crappy message. Not only can you then get better at noticing and managing these messages, but you can begin to identify the core emotions, fears and desires that are supporting these messages – which essentially is an step in breaking free.

The more you practice these two steps (awareness and challenging your brain) the more you will recognize that you don’t have to listen to all the noise, and with that, you will regain a sense of control or peace within your experience that’ll allow you to find confidence within this ever-changing, always challenging #momlife.

So here’s the plan…

Through our group, you will gain insight and awareness surrounding your experience. You’re job, should you choose to accept it, is to acknowledge whatever comes up. For example, if your notice you’re feeling irritated or sad, instead of trying to escape that feeling or criticizing yourself for having it, simply notice the emotion and stay present with it as it unfolds. As it does, you can begin to ask questions about it. What does it feel like in your body? Why are you having this particular thought or emotion right now? What does this remind you of? Where might it have come from? It is rational?

 

While your awareness increases, my job is to start adding educational insights to your mental toolbox.

To start, we are going to start challenging all the conflicting experts, opinions, and advice by developing a basic (and most importantly applicable) understanding of the brain.

I’m confident, that the more you understand the inner-workings of the brain, the more confident you’ll feel about your ability to raise a really awesome human while unapologetically embracing the mom you are.

 

First up: Let’s start with some brain-based realistic parenting expectations…Found HERE