An additional tool useful in soothing the lower brain, it connecting the upper brain. Wow, that’s a boring sentence. Stick with me though; you’ll find this useful, so we’re just going to jump right in…

The upper brain is all about understanding. It’s wired to learn.

The upper brain is always attempting to connect the dots and constantly trying to understand how the world works.

With that in mind, the more we can assist the upper brain in connecting the dots, the more opportunities the upper brain has to assess, process, and respond to stressful emotions, difficulties, or experiences.

The better our upper brain get at assessing, processing, and responding the better they are at communicating and soothing our lower brain.

How does this apply to us as adults?

Despite the brain being fully mature, adults will continue to have new experiences that demand growth through understanding. Meaning, when you go through something new or big (LIKE ADDING A BABY TO YOUR WORLD) you will likely need to put effort towards understanding your emotions and experience. The more you can process and make sense of your experience, the more mental freedom and flexibility you’ll gain.

How does this apply to parents?

As adults, we often understand our little’s experience much better than they do. By stepping in and being their guide, we can encourage the learning process by simply remembering to explain the how, what, when, and whys to them.

 

For Example, here are some useful parenting tools to help connect the dots:

  • Retell the experience – Once your little has calmed down, help them make sense of the experience. They may want to have the story re-told many times. This could get annoying, but every time it is explained it’s giving your littles upper brain a chance to understand the threatening experience and to learn from in. (“You were running to get the ball, and you tripped and skinned your knee. It hurt really bad. You started crying, and I came to help you. Can you show me where you fell?”)
  • Help them label their emotions – Emotional IQ (termed EQ) is correlated with higher levels of social and personal success. The earlier you begin helping them label their feelings, the earlier and more specifically they can express themselves.
  • Exercise their memory – Conversations about memories are helpful in developing the upper brain. For example; reminding them of other times when they felt big emotions, what happened, and reminding them that emotions come and go help establish understanding and safety (“You’re really sad mama has to leave but remember last time I left you had so much fun with Nana? You were only sad for a little bit. And remember last time when I left, I was home when you woke up!!”)

 

 

 

PARENT TAKEAWAY:

The big picture is helping the upper brain understand. As infants, they’ll appreciate hearing your voice, and you’ll get into a routine of narration. By the end of their first year, they will understand more and find your insight and explanations comforting. Whether you are using the above suggestions or coming up with your responses in the moment, if you put effort towards helping your little understand their world, you are on the right track regarding supporting the upper brain.