If a sense of threat sets off the lower brain, then a sense of security calms it.
Quick Review: Lower brain are triggered by experiences that create a sensation of physical or emotional threat. Remember, threats can be real or perceived.
Parent’s Role = Be a “Safe Base”
When babies are cared for by responsive + supportive adults (safe base), develop an overall sense of security.
Jobs of a Safe Base:
- Foster a positive relationship (More Here).
- Identifying when your little has “Flip their Lid” + when they haven’t (equally as important – see Positive Stress)
- Sooth the lower brain – when needed (see below).
- Connect the upper brain (Tools HERE).
Soothing the Lower Brain
Connecting is the most effective way to provide a sense of safety.
Little-littles usually respond quickly to physical touch like nursing, being picked up, rocking, hugs, etc. However, your little’s temperament may dictate a different response, again this is where learning your child and their needs will help you understand how to respond.
As they age their needs may change and you may have to adjust your response.
BIG PARENTING TAKEAWAY:
In the end, when you see the lower brain take over, just think “How do I make them feel physically and emotionally ok?” “How can I connect with them right now to interrupt the lower brain experience?”
Tools for Your Toolbox
- The 5 S’s – Swaddle, Side Position, Shush, Swing, and Suck (pacifier). See Dr. Sears blog post – HERE
- Distraction – Soothing and showing him/her something else of interest in another room, or something silly. This causes them to lose focus on the threat, giving the upper brain a window of clarity to come back online.
- Give permission to have the emotion – This is especially helpful when the lower brain was set off by a boundary or enforced rule. I.e., “You really don’t want to get out the bath. It’s ok to be upset, it’s ok to cry.”
- Name it to tame it – Help label the emotions or narrate the situation (i.e, “you’re really mad you can’t run in the store, you were having fun”). This helps connects the dots for the upper brain (step 4 to being a secure base), therefore providing a sense of understanding or control which in turn creates a sense of safety.
- Empathize with them – Tell them about a time when you felt scared, angry, sad. Tell them about how much you hate bumping your head or scraping your knee. Personal stories create connection and make them feel less alone (i.e. emotional safety). This provides room for them to experience their emotion in a safe space.